Gossip Girl Recap: White Wolves in the Night

Last week on Gossip Girl, we watched as our favorite buxom blonde turned her back on the dashing Nate Archibald, opting instead for his sleazy politico cousin's towncar. And... heart? Who knows; S thinks that for some reason this ridiculous debacle can transition to a functional teenage relationship, which, uh, obviously is a less than realistic conceit. But regardless, this week -- the anniversary of Bart Bass's death -- the show opens as Serena and Trip are moments away from getting into a car crash. Guess what they are going to crash into? Mythical white wolves. Amazing. The show then tracks back and we learn more about Lily's mysterious envelope, which reveals that she was "alone in a hotel room" with Serena's father. (You know, the one she spent all summer trying to find? Theoretically exactly during the same period that her mom is cavorting with him in expensive hotel rooms.) Honestly, I am starting to wonder how many Dark Secrets Lily Bass could possibly have up her sleeve. Meanwhile, on the UES, Chuck Bass is visited by the ghost of his father, Dan professes his love to Vanessa (eliciting a deeply satisfying response) and little J and Eric call a truce on their high school "it girl" wars. Oh! And Daddy Humphrey basically gets called out for being a kept man. All in all, semi satisfying as a whole.